school and shiet

I really need to shape up in terms of school. Lately I haven't been motivated to go to class or do any work. In return my grades have been falling. Ever since I found out that I had no chance in passing Math 022 and was unable to drop it, I've been this way. I spend my time up all night, and sleeping all day. I have lost all motivation and this isn't a good reason to be doing such things. I wish there was a way I could get a second chance at this. College has been really difficult lately due to my laziness. If only I could just have a button to press so I could start over.

I came to school with the mentality that this was going to be easy. I was right for the first semester, but when second semester came, boy was I wrong. I know what I need to do to be successful at all this college shiet and life in general, and yet I still fail. I don't know why, but I don't even feel phased at failing the first course in my life. In high school, I would immediately start working hard, but here its different. I don't know why. Maybe its cause I live on campus. I don't know. Hopefully things will be different during my second year here since I'm living off campus.

Well, I'm going to be taking courses here in Merced during the summer. Sucks that I wont be able to see my friends during the summer. Man, I can't fuck up anymore. This is my last chance at proving to myself that I can be successful. I wish life wasn't so difficult, but that's life for yah. I need to do this for myself. I can't be doing this for anyone. Not my parents. Not my friends. It's selfish, but this is the only way. I hate this so much. Well, whoever is reading this.. wish me luck.. I'm going to need it.